i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
