Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
