i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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