Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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