Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
