I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
