I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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