I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Randomize
