if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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