I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
