Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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