is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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