i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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