at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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