im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
