had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
