Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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