I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
