i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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