Dude my mom stole all your condoms
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
