Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
