Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You took a bar mat shot.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
