who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
