I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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