She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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