she woke up with a sticky ear
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
40s are totally the cure
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
