I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Randomize
