I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
