So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Alive.
So much puke
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
