The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
