You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
