I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
