people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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