you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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