a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
