Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Let's paint friendship bongs
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I can't put those talents on a resume
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
