Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
