So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
