I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
