so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize