so explain again why im purple
no
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
