Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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