my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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