put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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