made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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