We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
