Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
is wine microwaveable?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize