Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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