Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
