You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
