i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
