The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
