We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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