Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
We have so much sex to catch up on
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
