My brain says no but my pants say off.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
