sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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