I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I want to make a zoo with you.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
