Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
