things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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