and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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