I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
