genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
