i think my tv is drunk
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
