I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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