I'm going to jail i love you
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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