Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
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