Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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